haven't been here in a long time

i'm still alive, um... that's about it

but i'll leave some mental cud until i can write something more substantial:
What defines home? some say home is where the heart is, or where someone wants to be. others would say home is where you feel safe, and throughout all of this it is assumed you have been to this place called home, but i think home can be somewhere that you have never been. it's that place of "good green earth" that you are fighting for. home is where you belong, the place that you were created to be. therefore, ergo, home is a fluid space, it can be many different places, yet all the same place. have a good one!

Big Words for Joshs

So, josh wanted more big words, so i figured i'd give 'em to you. here they are:

Phantasmagoric
Antinomian
Palimpsest
Physiognomies

Enjoy!

Government

A wise man, whose biography i am currently reading (and being delighted and intrigued by this incredibly interesting and brilliant man), it would be JRR Tolkien, author of The Lord of The Rings, recently made into a movie most successfully by Peter Jackson, took and interesting stance on government. He said "I am not a 'democrat', if only because 'humility' and equality are spiritual principles corrupted by the attempt to mechanize and formalize them, with the result that we get not universal smallness and humility, but universal greatness and pride, till some Orc gets hold of a ring of power - and then we get and are getting slavery" - JRR Tolkien. Now this is very interesting. Lately i have realized that government as a whole is incredibly flawed. To go even further, ALL forms of government are flawed. Basically, all forms of government fail completely with time, just some forms take longer to fail completely than others. For example, Communism failed within 100 years, ex: USSR. Democracy, on the other hand, has been working for more than 200 years, ex: USA. Monarchy has worked for many years, hundreds actually, ex:France, Britain, and Russia. Now monarchy is special in that it may have failed quickly, with the kingdom falling into disrepair, starving subjects, etc., but the monarchy stayed intact simply because of the power it wielded. In the end, though, monarchy usually fails, and very few monarchies still function today. Democracy works quite well, except that people are easily corrupted. Thus a government based on people would become corrupted easily. However, it takes into consideration all of the opinions and desires of the people, so usually most of the people are kept happy, but people are not always happy with what is right, and what is right does not always make people happy, and thus something that is not best for the country is easily done. It works well, until someone(s) in power, in democracy's case the people, gets corrupted (the "Orc" obtaining a "ring of power") and then it all falls to shambles and the people are forced to do something that is not good for them and/or something they do not like. All in all, the only form of government that works indefinitely is a benevolent dictatorship, with Jehovah as the benevolent dictator. He loves all men, and has their best intrests at heart. So, he will act to keep them happy, unless keeping them happy is not best for them, in which case he will do what is best for them, because he loves them, i'll bring more on the definition of lvoe used here, and thus the people are kept happy most of the time, and the best is always doen for the people. No Corrruption. Just think about this while watching CNN. Have a God-filled Day! Consider putting him in charge of YOUR life!

Last Weekend

It was great to see the few of you that i did yesterday. it seems like everyone was doing well! as for those that i didn't see, i'm sorry i missed you! i hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. i know i did.

Question: is it weird to mix the cranberry sauce with the cottage cheese?

oh, and fried mashed potatoes are really good for breakfast!

Grace like Rain

So i just got back from a youth retreat with a new youth group that i've been hanging out with, and it was incredible! We were praying every night, and intense prayers! i have never prayed like that before or heard anyone pray like that before! and i have never seen results like the ones we got before! i don't know how much i can share, just cause of confidentiality stuff, but God descended and made his presence felt, and has jump-started my life in an amazing way! the prayer was just so powerful, and the results were so quick! we were praying, and then this joy just hit the other guys in the room, and they were going crazy! we started singing and praying, man, it was 3 in the morning, and we even got someone to come and tell us to be quieter! it was amazing! and then the next day, God continued to be amidst everything, and that night, there was some more intense stuff, and we were worshipping in this one living room like thing, and it was starting to end, and you know, people were starting to talk and stuff, and i was sitting in a rocking chair, and this incredible feeling, something i could not understand, a feeling of peace, sorta, and anticipation that something amazing was about to happen, and i did not want to move, cause i didn't want to go out from this feeling. So i just stayed there and rocked for fifteen minutes, and then i finally got out. And ever since i have been covered with a deep love for these people, and a desire to pray and i'm realizing that i've become fed up with the world, and that i'm ready for heaven! i can't wait! my desire for the things of this world has become diminished, and i can't wait to get rid of it!
out of this weekend, i've made new, Christian friends at my school, and we've done some praying in school already today, and i'm being inspired, and i've been praying that somethign would happen in my school, and i think something great will happen! God has given me the courage to reach out to people, and i want to do somethign great!

Friends

Recently, i have had to begin the process of making new friends. this is never a fun one, and can take forever to complete. i've become reaquainted with myself, as i've been spending a lot more time with me, myself, and i.
now this has taught me a lot about people who seem to have no friends. how can someone be happy without friends?! people think it's not that bad, but it is that bad! it is awful! life really does suck if you have no friends! there is no one to talk to, no one to do things with, no one to even eat lunch with it! that kid who's eating by himself at school, sitting at the end of the table, with no one around him, he doesn't want to be there! chances are, he's holding back tears, cause he has to go through another lunch period by himself; no one sat with him! we tell ourselves, they're probably used to it, it probably doesn't feel bad to them. it's not true! they may even convince themselves that they're used to it, but that's not true either! they're lying to themselves! they aren't happy! humans aren't created to be alone! we were meant to have a perfect relationship with God! and we don't have that on earth, so no one can tell themselves that they're okay without even an imperfect relationship with humans! it's a lie!
speaking as one of the lonely kids, we dont' want to be alone! we want to friends! don't just walk past us and pretend that we aren't there! don't let us eat alone one more time! it hurts, every second by ourselves hurts! and don't say "oh, i'll sit with her tomorrow". you can't gurantee that you'll even make it home tonight! that lonely kid may not be there tomorrow! maybe they'll get hit by a bus that afternoon! sure it was an accident, but you missed a chance to be Jesus to someone! It must break God's heart to see kids lonely and by themselves, cause i know it breaks mine! take the hit to your popularity or whatever, and step out and be Jesus! it says in the bible "don't build up treasures for yourself on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and thieves break and steal". i'm not sure where that's from, but it's still the living word. now, we all know that we're going to all die and then go to heaven, so there's no reason for getting rich on earth or anything, and that's true enough, but Jesus says moths and rust destroy treasure on earth and theives steal it! that's more than just dying and it being gone. that's that even while you're alive and on earth, your treasure can still be taken from you! there's no reason to work at getting treasure on earth! it will disappear! it will not, and can not stay! start getting your values in order and cherish the things that matter! Cherish the lonely souls at your school! Jesus cherishes those souls! Cherish those souls! Care for them! befriend them! it just tears me apart to see such loneliness!

Moving

So, as many of you know, my family and i have moved again. it was a big one, and i don't want to dwell on all the muck you go through when you have to say goodbye to people. Instead, i want to tell you guys how God has once again done something really cool! so, today, just a few hours ago actually, we went to check out a church. I walked in, and couldn't take it. It just brought back too many memories. I felt awful for a few minutes, and then God decided to destroy a cliche. After you go to church for awhile, you begin to hear the same phrase over and over. "God will never leave you". It's a precious truth, but many people hear it so often, that unfortunately it starts to become repetitive and gain the qualities of a cliche. But when you're at a really low point, and you feel like dying and goingto heaven, just cause it's too much and you're sick and tired of feeling down, and your heart feels like it's breaking into a million pieces, and you don't think you can take it anymore, God can come into that situation and... i don't even know what he did today, but he lifted me. He eased the pain and gave me strength that wasn't there a second ago. The thing that was a cliche turned very real. And it happened at a moment when i really needed it to be more than a cliche. God doesn't give up, and he keeps coming back, and it's revolutionizing how he can change things. I will never see this as a phrase, worn out by years of use. It's a living truth! when God said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" he meant it, and he sticks by his word. It's a beautiful thing, it really is... i can't do what happened justice with my words, but it was one of those moments that you remember, and prove that God is real, and you just know, that he is there, and that he loves you! i pray that anyone who reads this and hasn't experienced this, would be touched by God. have a good one!